words/
Julia Bosski Przybora
photographs/
Kajetan Gałecki
I wonder- why is it so, that when a woman (with men it’s not at all like that), likes to be naked and talks about sex, is often taken for a nympho ?
Hard not to notice, that I’m very comfortable with my body, I love being naked, I feel very natural when I’m naked. I also really like talking about sex because it’s a topic that interests me and somehow defines my life and now my writing and my carrer.
that is still kind of a taboo, and many people are afraid to talk about it. I am not. But it doesnt mean that i’m a nymphomaniac who craves a hard fuck all the time.
First of all- if a nympho- then only a romantic one.
And honestly- nah, not anymore.
I already have written many times how I feel about sex.
I admit it- I’ve had many lovers, especially in my early twenties, and I’ve been having one night stands, and I’ve been crazy about sex with few men in my life- often, I’ve mistaken that hormonal madness for being in love.
I’ve never really (till about a year ago) thought it through when I was starting a new affair.
I trusted my primal instincts, when a man was attractive and the sex was good, I’d fall in love with that man, often not knowing him at all, not knowing about who he is.
That can never happen to me again. When I was younger, I was just “romantic” and impulsive, spontaneous you could say, which is fine, and I’m happy I’ve had all these affairs, because I know now, that love doesn’t happen in a few days, but it develops through time and different experiences. Like friendship.
Don’t trust movies nor tv series- remember- you’re watching a love story that lasts approx an hour and half there. You’re not expecting that your love affair will last that short, do you?
.
So love and sex- two seprate things actually.
It can and it’s wonderful if they go together, but don’t take sex for love. For which sex can happen without love.
And love often happens without sex.
It can always happen that I’ll have again a one night stand with an astonishingly beautiful human whom I just met- but still as far as I know myself, that would have to be someone who at least a few hours before made me desire this person because of their sense of humor or talent or brightness.
I couldn’t have sex anymore with a person who doesn’t attracts me mentally.
I need a deeper level of understanding, also, only then, sex can be full.
The best sex I’ve had was only with men whom I trusted, whom I admired and who were making me laugh. Who made me want them because of their intellect and not just a hot body or nice face (well, there was one exception, but that was because I programmed it differently in my mind).
Remember also, that if someone tells you they love you after a few days- it’s not a good sign.
I’ve been told that a few times after a very short period and it always ended up as a catastrophe.
I’m scared of men who tell me they love me shortly after we met.
Mainly because, if someone tells you they love you after a few days it means they do not love you- they love the image of you that they themselves created in their minds and it may differ completely from who you are and how you see your life with this person.
This happens often when we “fall in love” with someone, especially at first sight- we fall in love with an impression, with a fantasy- and it’s deceiving.
I also know that as much as alcohol and drugs are highly addctictive, sex is too. As much as the attention we receive/ give. Attention- like likes on instagram is highly addictive.
And if we put too much attention and desire and expectations to a person,
we can end up ruined.
Not just emotionally, we literally can lose our minds, and then jobs and in extreme cases- lives.
I’ve had few times affairs with married men who fell in love with me immediately. They all were obsessed about me, craving sex but also my attention permanently.
I never wanted to fully engage myself with such affairs, because I was never interested to be another wife.
Married men who fall in love with such liberated and independent, sexually aware women like me, fall in love with us because we’re their fantasies, but in fact they like having a stable, peaceful , easy life with their partners and would never like to lead an uneven, challenging life with a girl like you.
I understand that and that’s why I never fought for these men. (and I forgive them for staying with their wives :))
The older I get, I no longer long for crazy, passionate adventures.
I will always love sex and i will always be very pssionate, but I don’t need these storms in my life anymore and I prefer a calm partner, or being just by myself than having a romantic life.
Another thing- if a man thinks it’s romantic to tell you he wants to have children with you after a few weeks of being together, in my case you must know- I will always love creation more than procreation and I will always value my work more than an emotion for another human.
Which means I will never sacrifice my work for a relationship.
In that I’m incredibly selfish and I value that also in a partner. I find passion for creation and one’s work incredibly sexy.
I’m not interested in sex adventures, I’m interested in deeper connection, both mental and carnal.
And sex for me has to be most of all gentle and emotional, not just physical.
